Buying An Engagement Ring Together as a Couple is Totally Possible! Here's How

One of the biggest trends in engagement rings has nothing to do with settings or styles — it's how you shop for one. (Not as in online vs. brick-and-mortar — you've already made the eminently wise choice.) As in, together.

That's right: More and more grooms-to-be are coming in from the cold and ending the covert operations surrounding the selection of an engagement ring. According to a 2017 survey by The Knot, a full one-third of engaged couples are buying the ring as a team. It's a trend that will almost certainly grow in the near future, because it's a win-win: Both members of the couple know she'll be getting a ring that matches her taste, and some couples are even splitting the budget. (Don't know where to start with that one? We have a guide on how to pick your engagement ring budget.)

But how exactly do you buy an engagement ring as a couple? As with everything, the process requires a little finesse, planning, and the right approach. Here are the most important things to keep in mind.

Decide if Both People are Going to be “in” on the Budget

This is perhaps the most important decision to make, and you should do it early. Even if you decide to shop for a ring together, it's not yet customary to go dutch on the bill. But customs be damned — go with what matches the dynamic of your particular relationship. You might be part of a couple who splits big expenses as a reflex. Or your instinct might be to spring for the ring. Both options are totally on the table.

If you decide to keep the budget close to your vest, that's one way in which the ring can be a surprise. But keep in mind that budget can limit choices, so decide on this carefully. You don't want to get into a situation in which she falls in love with a ring that's outside the budget. The best way to avoid that uncomfortable situation is to go in with a clear idea of how much ring you can afford.

Set Priorities for the Ring

More specifically, the diamond. The size and grade of the central stone have the biggest implications on your budget.

Have a conversation about the 4Cs of diamonds — carat, cut, clarity and color — and learn which are most important to your bride-to-be. Would she prefer the largest carat size possible, and is willing to compromise on clarity or color? Or would she like to replicate a beloved heirloom that has a super-white stone? In that case, a smaller carat size might be ideal, which you could enhance with a halo setting. On that note…

Work with a Gemologist to Find your Perfect Diamond

Four Mine has expert on-staff gemologists who are highly experienced at helping every couple find the ideal ring for their budget. They can walk you through the GIA certificate of any diamond, which lists its carat size and grades its features. And they can optimize the impact of any ring by suggesting creative settings.

Not ready to talk one-on-one quite yet? You can use the form below to share your priorities with our gemologists. They'll then do the research for you, combing through thousands of GIA certified stones to find you 3 initial options that are a good match.